Brazen PR’s guest blogger – glamour model Katie Price – gives the rundown on Fleet Street’s finest April Fools stories

While Alex was giving my toes a massage this morning he started going on about how The Sun is gonna be printed on lickable, flavoured paper from now on.

I read that story and it’s obviously an April Fool’s joke. Everyone knows that if you did that the flavour would go too quickly – especially on Page 3. The Page 3 girls would have to charge extra too – they get paid to look pretty in undies, not be licked to death by weirdos on the bus.

You can’t push the wool under my eyes, y’know.

Evrywon finks I’m a bit daft. That’s just envy. Their jealous cos I know the name and colour of every single won of me £50 notes in my private valt.

I’m not cleverer than I look – that’d be impossibul wudn’t it? – but I know me way around the papers. There’s no fooling me with daft stories pretending to be tru when its April Fools Day.

That story today about Kylie being the most powerful celeb in Britain – as if! Everyone knows I’d nock her out cos she’s a dwarf in real-life. I stood next to her in a hotpants shop in Soho once – she didn’t even come up to me nipples.

Powerful? She couldn’t even lift me false eyelashes she’s that small.

April Fools stories really annoy me actually. They get in the way of important pollytix news and that.

Look at that articul today about Gordon Brown in The Guardian. That’s really important. The one about the Labour party finally admitting he’s a bit violent and admitting it publicly and even putting it on posters. Like that one where it’s got his head on it and the words underneaf say ‘Step Outside, Posh Boy’.

I fink it’s brilliant that Gordon Brown is using violence positively. And that he’s facing up to Posh Boys. And it’s about time a prime minster had a bit of muscle. I fink it will help the posh boys to – they need toughening up a bit. I’ve texted Gordon already and offered Alex’s help. They’re obviously quite similar. See – I should be a bloody MP too, specially wiv all them expenses. I quite fancy a duck house and a lake to match me gazebo.

*For those of you disappointed that, clearly, Katie Price has had absolutely nothing to do with this blog, or gutted because you came here expecting to see some Price tits, here is a sentence of consolation. While there are no Price tits on view the REAL author of this blog is often referred to as a Prize Tit.

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