A little bit of ash causes a Dunkirk re-run

TALK about the over-reaction of the decade.

A few sunburned Brits get stranded abroad because of the Ash Cloud and the Government sends the Royal Navy out to rescue them.

Gordon, take a chill-pill.

They’re hardly at risk of death from a bank of Nazi MGs are they? This isn’t Dunkirk for goodness sake.

And much as the Government would like to think that deploying the might of the navy may be a godsend of a vote winner, the façade that anyone in Westminster really gives two hoots about over-crisped and uber-boozy Brit holidaymakers is flimsier than the resolve of a Sackville Street tart.

They’re planning to send not one but three Royal Navy ships to help return Britons stranded abroad as UK airspace remains restricted.

The highlight of the whole affair for this lover of irony is that the name of the UK’s emergency committee is ‘Cobra’. It surely can’t be a coincidence that that is also the name of one of the UK’s most popular lagers can it?

I’d love to be a fly on the cabin wall of the HMS Ark Royal, HMS Ocean or HMS Albion to see first-hand what happens when Britain’s finest war-ships become home to several thousand Brit booze-cruisers and their off-spring. A booze-cruise with guns sounds like a recipe for disaster to me.

Plus, there’ll be so much puke in the sea the Spanish will think we’re launching a revenge attack for the Armada.

Let’s hope the Americans buy the film rights to the whole episode. This will make the best big-screen comedy in decades.

Either that or there’ll be enough calamitous home-videos to launch another three series of You’ve Been Framed.

This country. Dear me.

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