Whatever happened to courting
JOE MURGATROYD REVIEWS HIS HAPLESS ATTEMPTS AT SNARING A CHICK
Once upon a time, gentlemen courted.
My dad did, as did his dad.
I however, turned my attention to online dating.
Sitting comfortably in a pair of second hand boxers on my sofa, I switch on my computer and plunge myself into another world.
In this world, I see myself as the Casanova of our day; a Hollywood heartthrob – Hugh Grant at his devastating best.
It used to be a commonly held belief that online dating was for middle-aged divorcees, creeps and predators. Truth be told, it probably still is, but I found out for myself that this isn’t necessarily entirely the case.
The site of choice is OK Cupid, match.com’s easier cousin. This is a site that allows you to rate girls out of five stars.
Now, my moral compass isn’t always up to much, but I have a slight inkling that this is the shallowest thing on the internet, after Perez Hilton, of course.
I think it’s reasonable to assume that some people that take to online dating are already a little fragile and self-conscious. So when you look like a baked potato and you’re put in the firing line of thousands of the opposite sex, the hope of avoiding audible public wincing in the street goes straight out of the window.
The anonymity of it all makes me feel uneasy. For all I know, I could be exchanging pleasantries with a 14 year old boy. It could be a troll or, just by chance, it could be that knockout blonde you met eyes with in the toiletries aisle in Tesco?
But, first things first, it’s important to create a profile. First, find a picture that is in fact a true representation of your own face, however stunning or repulsive that may be. And, once your pouting lips become fatigued, it’s time for the most cringeworthy part of it all, the About Me section.
Nobody really enjoys writing about themselves, except actors, so it’s naturally a nauseating experience. And, it’s impossible not to sound like a jumped-up, self-absorbed idiot. However, I honestly don’t think it matters what you write. If you like walks in the park, you’re a closet homosexual. If you’re bubbly, you’re most likely just straight up annoying.
There are no winners.
So why the hell did I join OK Cupid?
The simple answer is because I’m not particularly good with girls.
At least online I can hide behind my favourably Instagramed profile picture and dazzle the ladies with the practiced wit and charms that deserts me time and again when it comes to face to face encounters.
I also feel it’s become quite difficult to meet girls in 2013.
Approaching girls in the traditional sense seems altogether seedy and foreign to me. As does meeting girls on station platform, a la James Blunt.
I’m not convinced online dating is the answer though, not for a prudent Yorkshireman who’s unwilling to pay to make progress, anyway.
Contact firstname.lastname@example.org if you, like him, are looking for love.
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