Have you ever considered that those things which go bump in the night maybe just……err…..bumps in the night?

THE HUMAN ability to jump to conclusions has never been as well illustrated as when the UK’s X Files vault revealed some of its secrets this week.

The MoD secrets make for some intriguing reading. Seriously.

And they reveal what I have suspected for many years – we are a planet of buffoons.

A race happy to convince itself that there’s something out there, watching us, waiting to pounce and perform horrible experiments on our peculiar human condition.

You couldn’t make this stuff up.

The best example is below.

On one “unseasonably mild” night in October 1998 a bloke from Barnes, south-west London, couldn’t sleep so went for some air in his garden with a drink of milk.

“After a few moments I heard a distant roar of engines getting louder and louder,” he said in his testimony to bemused Ministry of Defence officials.

“Suddenly a huge craft appeared over the house, heading in a westerly direction at speed. It was a large cigar-shaped vehicle with large projectiles on each side like wings.

“It seemed to have two very bright lights at the front and a white light flashing round and round underneath. I was too bloody terrified.”

His story gathered pace with the revelation that he had gained “a whole hour” in time. And his conclusion? Quite obvious really – he had been the unwitting and unwilling victim of alien abduction.

The MoD, spotting a potential crank (because they’re clever like that) wrote back saying the clocks had gone back the night before.

Genius.

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