How Do You Do It?

So, I’m traipsing through endless pages of ‘breaking news’, celebrity spots and the real important stuff, trying to find something topical to stimulate the mind, when I stumbled upon an article which asked me…“What’s YOUR signature Sex Move?’

Eh?

The article was packed-to-the-gills with information on what we should and shouldn’t be doing in the sack.

I guess I must have been pulling a sickie on the day our sex education teacher told us the importance of needing a signature move.

Load of codswallop? More than likely. But the columnist’s argument was well-reasoned.

I’d like to think that 80% of the nation wouldn’t fall for this but I do feel like a strong 20% are at home, simultaneously practicing their backwards cowgirls and dirty dogs.

Apparently, ‘it could be something as ingeniously simple as a twirl of the tongue, done with such panache, it defies description.’ Sounds pretty easy right?

But as much as I’d love ‘an erotic innovation, that’s uniquely mine’, as the writer puts it, I do feel like I have better things to do.

And to be honest, it pees me off a little bit that anyone should feel like they’re weird for not having a unique horizontal trick.

I mean, asking a partner to ‘rate each and everything we do on a scale of 1-10’ sounds productive for a Saturday night in but, I feel the excitement of this may reduce both parties into a sex coma.

It isn’t all bad though, at least we don’t have to worry about what we wear, what we eat, or how we look without make-up, on top of what shall make us infamous in the sack? Oh…hang on.

The other small issue here is the testing partner…

God forbid anyone already being in a relationship without a signature move…its made to sound like they may be at risk of losing a lot more than five furious minutes of frolic-filled fun.

But then trying to ‘carefully note whether you’re going up or down in the ratings game’ is a bit difficult if your reluctant partner-in-crime is a cushion.

I’m not gonna lie, for research purposes I had to show the girls a selection of my unique creations and bedroom innovations but the general feedback (and laughs) made me feel I should save them for a yoga class, rather than for my future husband.

Although I appreciated both the mind and body stimulation, I think I’ll give this whole concept a pass thanks.

Maybe certain things are better when they are more spontaneous.

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