For sale: ten nuclear missiles and one family-sized period home

IMAGINE for a minute that America couldn’t agree a deal on its mounting debt crisis and had to hock some of its heirlooms to pay off its debtors.

While world economies may be up the creek without a proverbial paddle if it ever came to this, it would make for some interesting decisions around the White House dining table in the coming weeks wouldn’t it?

Barack Obama, sipping a cup of Earl Grey, says: “So, how much do you reckon we’d get for our national munitions Michelle?”

Michelle Obama: “Not sure honey, but I’m pretty sure we could sell a good few Oval Office paper-weights at the Washington Flea-traders Sunday Market.”

Barack: “Hey, we could put the Nukes on eBay. Start a world auction. Surely they’d get some attention. No way I’d accept any bids from Middle-East buyers though. Unless it was on Buy-it-Now, of course – that’d be money in the bank.

“Or maybe we could persuade the CIA to sell some of its confiscated Columbian ‘stock’ in Mexico. I can see the advertising campaign now – White Stuff from the White House. It’ll go down a bomb with our Latin American friends.”

Michelle: “Let’s not forget about the house, baby. I’ll call the Realtors this afternoon. They’ve got an offer on at Bridgefords over on the Westside – just 1% commission instead of the usual 3%.

“How about this? Good-sized period family home, large front and rear lawns, own staff, and small oval-shaped home-office.”

Barack: “You may want to put a disclaimer in that advert about the likelihood of being attacked by aliens. Mention the fact we have a lithium-crystal nuclear defence system designed to ward off any extra-terrestrial foes, and cavity wall insulation plus we’ll throw in the Declaration of Independence document if they offer full asking price.”

Michelle: “Will do darling. I’ll also mention that as it’s white-washed the exterior paintwork may need regular maintenance too. Only fair to be honest isn’t it?”

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